Greencurlymum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
greencurlymum) wrote2004-01-12 06:21 pm
greencurlymum) wrote2004-01-12 06:21 pm
(no subject)
The New Year is not even two weeks old and so far it sucks. That’s official.
After a very stressful Christmas in my parents’ place and even more stressful 10 days in Italy with Francesco family I was kind of looking forward to some free time in the last week. Work waited for me just Monday and Tuesday, so the plan was to go home to Solingen on Wednesday and spend some quality time with my Mom.
Alas, things don’t always go as planned. When I arrived Wednesday my Mom had just been called to the Old People’s home, because my Grandmother had pneumonia. That in combination with water in her body that slowly reached the lungs made the situation more serious than anybody thought in the beginning. I spent four days taking turns in sitting at my Granny’s bed, holding her hand talking to her, cooling her forehead and comforting my mother.
Of course Granny died six hours after I’d left. That’s just her timing. Always has been.
I haven’t really found the peace to cry yet. First I had to be strong for my Mom – it’s no use if two people lose their heads and run around blind with tears. (My father was as helpful as ever, by the way.)
And today Francesco had his job interview for the company in Stuttgart. As much as he wanted to be supportive, his mind was somewhere else.
Five minutes ago he called to tell me how wonderful the interview went and how much he likes what they offer him.
And once more I have to be strong and bite my lip and not tell him that I don’t care how wonderful the job is, that I don’t want to move again, that I don’t want to give up the most wonderful job I’ve ever had in my entire life and that I don’t want to start making a home and building our community all over again.
I would like to repeat it once more: so far the New Year sucks!
After a very stressful Christmas in my parents’ place and even more stressful 10 days in Italy with Francesco family I was kind of looking forward to some free time in the last week. Work waited for me just Monday and Tuesday, so the plan was to go home to Solingen on Wednesday and spend some quality time with my Mom.
Alas, things don’t always go as planned. When I arrived Wednesday my Mom had just been called to the Old People’s home, because my Grandmother had pneumonia. That in combination with water in her body that slowly reached the lungs made the situation more serious than anybody thought in the beginning. I spent four days taking turns in sitting at my Granny’s bed, holding her hand talking to her, cooling her forehead and comforting my mother.
Of course Granny died six hours after I’d left. That’s just her timing. Always has been.
I haven’t really found the peace to cry yet. First I had to be strong for my Mom – it’s no use if two people lose their heads and run around blind with tears. (My father was as helpful as ever, by the way.)
And today Francesco had his job interview for the company in Stuttgart. As much as he wanted to be supportive, his mind was somewhere else.
Five minutes ago he called to tell me how wonderful the interview went and how much he likes what they offer him.
And once more I have to be strong and bite my lip and not tell him that I don’t care how wonderful the job is, that I don’t want to move again, that I don’t want to give up the most wonderful job I’ve ever had in my entire life and that I don’t want to start making a home and building our community all over again.
I would like to repeat it once more: so far the New Year sucks!
no subject
I'm not entirely sure about the not telling him you don't want to move, though ... because it's both of you who have to be happy. So, keeping quiet and not saying a thing might not be the best solution. But then, the best right now would maybe be putting decisions off until you've found a bit of inner peace again ... *more hugs*
no subject
*morebigknuddelhugs*
I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother.
But from what you told about her, how she was ever more confused, it probably was best. I know how stupid this sounds, when you miss someone. But the thing with the old people is, they die slowly. Much of what you loved about her probably dies 2 or 3 years ago already, and some more after she moved into that home, and so on. It was like that with my grandma. Just think that she is warm and safe now, no more pain, and knows again all teh things she forgot. Is herself again. At peace, where down here she was just confused. Always searching for something, not even knowing what.
I understand well that you don't want to move again. Or at least not more than to teh next street, so that you coudl keep your social surroundings. Men often don't understand how importatn that is.
*Huggles*
just sympahty
in case i can help.
feel sorry for you.
for the new job opportunity:
damn, i know how long it took for you to feel at home in the south.
*bighugs*
no subject
Hugs.
Losing people you love makes you feel so helpless.