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I just tugged Lea in and of course she is crying. Last night she cried for nearly 90 minutes before finally falling asleep. I still can't bring myself to leave her all by herself, so I check on her after like 15 or 20 minutes. It is getting better and last night she slept from 6 pm until 5 am for the first time in her life. After 6,5 hours of sleep I felt like a person again for the first time in nearly six months.
Still, this is incredibly hard for me. Hurts sometimes more than giving birth, because I know I make her cry. Not right now, but I definitely spoiled her, taking her up too often, giving in because of her crying, cuddling her to sleep. That's why she is nearly half a year old and still not able to fall asleep on her own. I messed it up and now both of us have to pay for that.
I know that what I do is right, is necessary, yet I sat in the living room yesterday evening, hugging myself and crying, saying over and over again "I am doing the right thing."
Oh boy, she is getting really angry now. I know for a fact that she is tired. She has been wiping her eyes and tugging on her ear and I am sure that she needs her sleep right now. She just doesn't want to fall asleep on her own. I can totally understand her. I don't like falling asleep on my own, either; I am able to do it, however. And I can't do this for her forever. If she learns to fall asleep alone now, she will hopefully be able to calm herself when she wakes in the night and that is what I need to achieve before she gets her own room and calls me to her every two hours. And I definitely have to see this through now, because once she learns how to say "Mommy" I am as good as dead.
Still, this is incredibly hard for me. Hurts sometimes more than giving birth, because I know I make her cry. Not right now, but I definitely spoiled her, taking her up too often, giving in because of her crying, cuddling her to sleep. That's why she is nearly half a year old and still not able to fall asleep on her own. I messed it up and now both of us have to pay for that.
I know that what I do is right, is necessary, yet I sat in the living room yesterday evening, hugging myself and crying, saying over and over again "I am doing the right thing."
Oh boy, she is getting really angry now. I know for a fact that she is tired. She has been wiping her eyes and tugging on her ear and I am sure that she needs her sleep right now. She just doesn't want to fall asleep on her own. I can totally understand her. I don't like falling asleep on my own, either; I am able to do it, however. And I can't do this for her forever. If she learns to fall asleep alone now, she will hopefully be able to calm herself when she wakes in the night and that is what I need to achieve before she gets her own room and calls me to her every two hours. And I definitely have to see this through now, because once she learns how to say "Mommy" I am as good as dead.
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Date: 2005-12-01 06:52 pm (UTC)From:Starke Nerven wünsche ich euch...
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Date: 2005-12-01 07:05 pm (UTC)From:That is exactly the problem, she won't accept anyone but me, not even her father.
Danke für die Wünsche. Jetzt ist Ruhe. Drück mir die Daumen.